Most resolutions are useless.

I cringe when I read articles about New Year’s resolutions.

Now as a person who makes their living on helping people grow and change, that probably strikes you as strange, but hear me out. I know people can change – I’ve coached people through it and done it myself. But I think that most New Year’s resolutions are useless.

The most frequent issues I see:

• Too generic – if you don’t know what something means it is hard to get it done, examples include be more generous, be more fit, get a new job, have better life/work balance.

• Not aligned to who you are – if a resolution requires you to become a completely different person or to go from zero to 60 on something it’s not happening. Examples include cook all my meals (when you cook 1 x week), work out every day (when you don’t at all), retire by 40 (and you’re 37 and aren’t sitting on a mountain of money)

• Should do’s instead of want to do’s – if something is on the list because you ‘should’ do it, the motivation to do it is external, either real or imaged (i.e.; I should lose 20 pounds [because of unrealistic beauty norms] or I should get a new job [because my wife says so]). External motivation can drive you for a bit, but true change is an inside job.

If you’ve thinking about your resolutions and you’ve run aground on the watchouts above, it’s time to see if you can work these ideas into something that is doable and desirable. Think of this as a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely) goal on steroids.

Here are some of the questions I work through with my coaching clients:

1. What does it mean? i.e., for new job – What does ‘new’ mean? What’s different from where you are now? What does it feel like? What does it sound like? Define it so you know exactly what you mean.

2. How will you know you’ve achieved it? How will it feel? In 2024, what will have changed? What does success look like? Get specific with the finish line, i.e., is having a new job when you sign the offer lead? your first day? etc.

3. What do you really want? If your goal is a ‘should do’ – is there a version of it that is something you actually want to do?

4. How will accomplishing this goal improve your life? When you look into the future and see this goal accomplished – how will it have impacted other areas of your life?To do hard things, it helps to envision how this goal relates to the rest of our lives. It’s not just doing this one thing, it’s moving toward the new life you’re building.

5. What must be true to get this done? Does your goal require perfection – in scheduling, discipline or the behaviour of tiny humans /partners /pets? Capture assumptions and requirements, i.e.; you can’t go running without sneakers and you can’t apply for the dream job without a resume. These inputs may be sub-goals, be sure capture them.

6. What do you have to believe to get this done? Your mindset matters. You must believe that you are worthy, capable, deserving, kind, (insert adjective here) to achieve hard things. To quote Henry Ford –

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

7. What is the ideal version of this goal? What is the back-up plan? i.e., if the stars don’t align every morning for you to work out, is three times a week enough for you to still feel like you’re making progress?

8. What’s one step you can take to move toward that goal?

You have to start somewhere. Small changes allow us to adjust our strategy over time and absorb setbacks . Small changes also allow us to track progress and understand how we’re moving toward our goals.

In my experience, my clients get tripped up on the last one – taking a small step to move closer to the goal. They get stuck looking at the huge, daunting goal and get lost on how to get there – without a magic wand, perfect schedule, etc.

Is that where you’ve gotten stuck? Or is it somewhere else?

If you’d like to define and make progress on your 2023 goals, I can help. Click here to set up a Chemistry Chat.